I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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