When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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