You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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