dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize