Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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