Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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