She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
