i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
