oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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