girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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