Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
