Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
