feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
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when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
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He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that