fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice