I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
