I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.