I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I can't turn off my feet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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