Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
