You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
