Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
