well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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