I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
