i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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