the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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