one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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