If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
