Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
