Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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