I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
