what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
