Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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