Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
