You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
