ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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