I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
