I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
