After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
