I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
