She is in my trunk
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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