he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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