I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
