Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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