hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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