just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i wish my penis had a tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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