I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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