What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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