it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
