Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
