Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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