you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
