watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
