My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
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