u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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