hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Randomize
