fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
