it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
