my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
