I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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